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Fat, Fuck and Frank, yeah?

This is going to be a terribly bland entry (two on the trot!) as I forget to upload the pictures I was going to use to talk about this. I’m not really a fan of bland, text only blogs, so I hope you won’t do what I do when I just see text text text, and think “Duh, no pictures to break it up”. Ooh I’m such a blog snob.

So I’m on nightshifts again – which is not great when during the day it’s 30 degrees outside and you’re trying to sleep and you can’t because it’s so hot. Also, I can’t find any Google’d reference to it, but there must be a link between people who work nights and putting on weight – because of all the junk food you end up eating – as I am continuing to become slowly fatter by the night.

There is a Tesco’s just down the road from the BBC at White City which is open ’til late where we do all go to try and buy something vaguely more healthy, and having just come back from there, I’ve just seen a rather pitiful example of ‘the youths of today’.

/ Old man who grumbles about the kids of today mode : ON //

There were a group of hooded kids about 14 or 15 years old hanging around, and two girls part of the gang, standing just inside the entrance having a heated debate with the security guard about something. I heard the words “Donuts” (there is Krisy Kreme stand in the shop) as I wandered in, and got on with my shopping.

A minute later, I heard the girl SCREAMING at her the top of her voice : “Fuck you man, innit, yeah? You ain’t got no fucking RRRRESPECT man, yeah? What the fuck you gonna fucking do fucking about it anyway, yeah? Prove it! Yeah? You and your fucking bunch of wankers, yeah?”. And that was just the girl, yeah?

I looked, and she had her face about six inches from his as she screamed at the top of her voice, whilst the security guard looked (to his credit) unflustered. Maybe it’s because he could already hear the faint whine of the police van in the distance which had been called, and by the time it pulled up 90 seconds later, they’d all run off.

I paid for my shopping. And walked back to the beeb … guarding my sacred box of Krispy Kreme’s vary carefully. Hmm, maybe that’s what’s making me fat!

/ Old man who grumbles about the kids of today mode : OFF //

The picture I was going to post was one of a sneaky view of Studio 8 here at TVC. This weeks (just gone) and next weeks episode of ‘Baddiel & Skinner: Unplanned’ are unusually being recorded here (on Sunday evenings) for just two weeks only – they’re normally filmed over at the Southbank London Studios.

UnplannedNow this may sound slightly sad as what I’m about to confess to, but knowing Frank Skinner was going to be in the building, I’d brought a copy of his autobiograhpy with me, and then just casually … you know, like you do … loitered about afterwards in the reception area where the chaffeurs come in and pick up/drop off ‘the stars’, hoping that I might get my copy of his book signed.

So I waited after the show .. and waited .. and waited a bit more … and figured that after 90 minutes maybe I’d just missed him somehow.

At that point though, I saw a woman who I’d seen down in the studio earlier and figured she must have something to do with the show and so went up and spoke to her.

Turned out she’s the production manager for Avalon – the company that make the programme – and yes I had missed Frank (he’s sneaked out a side entrance), but would I like guest-list tickets for next weeks show?

Would I! Does the pope shit in the woods! Are bears catholic! Etc … So I took her email address, spoke to her the next day, and now have guaranteed entry to this Sundays recording which is then being shown on ITV2 on Monday (18th) and ITV1 on Monday (19th).

So .. my dearly beloved brethren, being the lazy bastard that I am sometimes, can anyone think of a really good question that I could stick my hand up and ask on the show? It doesn’t have to be topical … it just has to be good enough to provoke a reaction for them to talk about so that it doens’t get cut, as they record about an hours worth and edit it right down to less than half an hour. I also just feel like I haven’t been on TV enough recently, and could do with the exposure …

20 responses to “Fat, Fuck and Frank, yeah?”

  1. I have tickets for Sunday, too, actually.

    Though I’m not sure if I’m going to use them yet, as it clashes with something else..


    Was only going to go on to ask a question and appear (to her horror) on my ex-girlfriend’s TV set when she least expected it- during one of her favourite shows.

  2. geofftech says:

    Cool! See you in the queue .. not!! I didn’t know you were a B&S fan.

    Get there at 4 to 4.30pm latest to guarantee getting in …

    I think you should deffo do it, for the ex-girlfriend factor!

  3. Remember that classic saying? “You know you are really getting old when you find yourself grousing about the decadence of youth.” And we know you have a birthday coming up!!

  4. Well, I’m not a fan. In fact, I can’t stand the show.

    And I have an Access All Areas pass for a gig at the Astoria. Yes, the Astoria- London’s coolest music venue.

    I think that wins hands down, really..

  5. geofftech says:

    Why do have tickets for a show that you can’t stand?

  6. “Was only going to go on to ask a question and appear (to her horror) on my ex-girlfriend’s TV set when she least expected it- during one of her favourite shows.”

  7. Yorkie says:

    So how often exactly do you go on TV then Geoff?

  8. Incidentally, with regards to the youths of today all being tossers, I object.

    Yes, a large number of them are. But there’s also a large number that aren’t. At the end of the day, those that aren’t don’t get any attention, because they’re not throwing bricks through windows, spraypainting offensive graffiti on the side of old peoples’ homes or driving at 170mph in a 30mph zone in a heavily souped up chavmobile.

    Whereas those who don’t do these things are about as noticeable as, well, anybody else of the ‘old men who grumble about the kids of today’ generation.

    And incidentally, it pisses us off just as much.

  9. Anthony says:

    170mph in a 30 zone? Everyone knows that no matter how many plastic bumpers and spoilers and fake air-scoops you stick onto a Vauxhall Nova, it’s STILL A VAUXHALL NOVA (and hence is incapable of such speeds).

    Instead of wasting such money on being tossers, they could buy a decent car (that is powerful in the first place) and look a bit more respectable!

    At least… if they took their Burberry caps off, they might. Fuckin’ cunts, innit, yeah?

  10. geofftech says:


    er.. well twice with the tube thing (Tube3 is the one that Sky Travel keep repeating, and Tube4 is ‘race around the underground’ which was shown twice and you can download from my site).

    er.. er.. er.. oh! then i was on the “Winners & Losers” programme at the beginning of this year.

    and, er.. that’s it.


    ok, maybe I should’ve said “Keep up my media-whoreage” 🙂

    F5C – Good to know you’re on the straight & narrow…

  11. Yorkie says:

    There are nothing wrong with Vauxhall Nova’s, my parents had 4 of them! Three important points in my opinion:
    1. They are OLD. The newest ones will be 13 now. In a collision they get it bad.
    2. They are not performance cars. They may have made a couple of slightly faster versions, but if you’re looking for speed, then something like a Ferarri would probably be better.
    3. It is worth noting that the 1.5D model often topped 55MpG! That helped to make it a good car.

  12. I think Geoff is finding the media whoring rather addictive. Here’s another quote for Geoff, this time about fame:

    “Fame is like having Alzheimers disease. You don’t know anybody. But they all know you.”–Tony Cutis

  13. Paul Webb says:

    Try asking Frank how his girlfriend’s arse muscles are these days…

  14. stroppycow says:

    You are right about weight and shift work. Tom Reynolds posted on the effects of night shifts on health back in September
    The post includes some good links, including this one about weight

  15. geofftech says:

    Don’t they try and avoid anal sex gags? I think they have a rule: No talking football, and no A-sex stuff. I could always try though…

  16. I’m sure the cutting room floor is a very comfortable place for your A-sex question to spend the rest of it’s life..

    Also might be for the best, really. Does your mother watch the show?

  17. geofftech says:

    My mother reads my blog and the comments Chris! So she always knows what mischeif I get up to. She’s too shy to comment in person though.

    I did love it the other week when at Live8 and we watched those girls lighting up a spliff, my mum turned to me and asked me if I’d ever done anything like that.

  18. You should have told her that you’d answer that one when SHE answered it first! My mom also felt too shy to comment but she finally commented on my blog and then on Geoff’s!

  19. Andrew says:

    You goota watch those Krispy Kreme donuts – there was media “outrage” when they were intorudced to the UK a year or so ago…

  20. I had dinner with Frank skinner about a year ago. Honest.

    Well, I was in a sushi bar place. He sat down opposite me on the same table with some young blonde thing.

    You could always ask him if that constitutes having dinner with him.

    btw, if you haven’t read it, his autobiography is (shamefully) my favourite book of 2003.

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