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Birthday Boy 2005

Ten ThingsTen things you can do on your 33rd birthday.

1. Get attitude

Make sure that you’ve just worked nightshifts so that your body is confused about when it is supposed to be awake, and when it is supposed to be asleep. When you do groggily wake up, this well help add to your already surly mood of not wanting to accept that you are officially another year older.

In an act of petulance, make sure that you don’t read any of the text messages that your mobile phone is quite clearly showing are waiting for you, nor do you open any cards that are waiting for you in the post, nor do you open any presents.

(nb. The old “Don’t open any presents for as long as possible” ruse is something that I often employ at Christmas and on birthdays, but is usually done because the fun is in the anticipation, because once you’ve opened everything it’s a bit of an anti-climax isn’t it?).

2. Play music

Play something to cheer you up, considering it’s a nice sunny day and all that. A bit of Radiohead or perhaps the most melancholy Coldplay track you can find works well.

3. Reminisce

Look at your previous years birthday blog entry as a reminder as to what you were doing 12 months ago is a good way of doing this. Then, make a list of all the things you feel you’ve achieved since that time.

Just when you’re starting to feel good about yourself, make a list of things that you haven’t achieved, but feel you probably should of done. The latter is always longer than the former.

4. Surf & discover

Find out that someone has nicely given you a mention on their blog that it’s your birthday. Send an email to thank that person. Feel slightly better.

Find out that someone else has drawn on a comedy beard of a picture of you on their blog so that you look quite silly. Feel slightly less better again.

Thirty Three today. Woo-fucking-hoo.5. Pop down to your local shops

To buy a local paper of course. Oh, and a daily tabloid. And buy something for lunch. Or is that breakfast? Body still confused over what time of day it thinks it is.

6. Make a quirky observation

“Children! Drive Slowly!”
says the sign that I see as I come back from the shops. Interesting. I didn’t think that children were legally allowed to drive. Maybe the law has been changed or something and I wasn’t aware.

7. Go and see your physio

Take a cake with you as it’s your birthday. It’s probably your last session too now as your back is basically better, and so to out-do them (because when you spoke to all the nice staff there last week, you joked about bringing a cake in because it was your birthday, and they laughed never dreaming for a second that you actually would), you do actually take a nice Marks & Spencers Victoria Sponge cake in for them to have at their tea break.

When they go “Oh, but you shouldn’t have”, utilise their guilt by handing them a TubeRelief leaflet, and making them promise to donate some money.

6 new messages8. Go and see your sister to help install her broadband

Drive a long way in a hot car on a hot sweaty day only to discover that when you get there, she’s not in and that if you’d of bothered to read any of the text messages earlier you’d have discovered one saying to change the time for you to come round because they won’t be in after all.

Drive home in hot car again.

Decide that maybe you should read all your text messages instead in case you’ve missed something important.

Discover something really important that you should have known about earlier. Shit. Turn phone off in anger.

9. When you get home, go and and write strange third-person style blog entry

[Tick box]

10. Still don’t open any of your card or presents

(Currently, it’s 4.30pm, and holding steady. I figure I can make it at least until early evening at this rate)

[19:15 ] Arse. I’ve conceded and have opened my cards & presents. Feeling slightly birthday-esque now.

[23:30] Went down local pub after all. More cards and presents. Birthdays aren’t so bad I suppose.

22 responses to “Birthday Boy 2005”

  1. So when are you going to open your cards and presents – 11.59 this evening???

  2. PS – make sure you don’t do this age predictor thingie as I take it that seeing what you might look like in 20,30 or 40 years time will completely send you over the edge 😉

  3. geofftech says:

    When I feel like it.

    (still in petulant mood @ 18:19)

  4. LOL! Great post! 🙂 (But isn’t the dog supposed to “rise” with the balloon?)

    Notice how I didn’t text you, I figured you’d be deluged. 🙂

    Remember, no matter how crap you feel being another year older, you STILL are not as old as I am ! (note to self: Do I really want to get THAT topic started again>?)

  5. ian says:

    I might send you a present. Just sit by the postbox each morning and wait. The waiting will be very long, and the result very disappointing.

    Is the really important thing a message from your garage saying they’ve fitted aircon into your car?

    Happy Birthday, you old grouch.

  6. Paul says:

    Hope you had a great day! Your blog made me laugh! LOL … keep up the good work and good luck for the end of the month on the Tube Challenge


  7. Tami says:

    Happy B Day to ya! Will handcuff ya and swat you 30+ times when I see ya next week.

  8. Neil says:

    Tami – want to come to my birthday party next year?

  9. funkypancake says:

    now here’s a thing. i turned 33 on the 1st August this year and i realised that even more significantly i’ll be 400 on the 1st December (in months).

    400 in months is 33 1/3 ie a long player. meaning that’s the point that you get old.

    so, forget your 33rd and concentrate on celebrating your 400th which will be in 4 months time !

  10. Geoff's Mum says:

    Did you like the funny cartoons I sent you? or had you seen them all before? and the money? or are you too cool to notice.

  11. geofftech says:

    Tami, Neil’s jsut hoping that you’ll handcuff him too .. he’s into that sort of thing, apparantly. 😉

  12. Ahh – I’m loving how Geoff’s Mum has to talk to him through his blog too
    🙂 😉

    That email I sent him about “how you know you’re living in 2005” was so true

    “5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.”

  13. Neil says:

    Thanks Geoff, for making sure Tami knew what I meant there.

    You don’t do kinky do you? I can tell …

  14. geofftech says:

    You know what Americans are like Neil … they don’t DO subtle. 🙂

    And yes, I’ve heard all about what you’re into. If anyone wants to know, send me an eMail …

  15. bronwyn says:

    (late) Happy Birthday! its the same as mine, actually! well, give or take a few years, but same day anyhow… Hope you had a good one. I don’t think the beard suits.

  16. Neil says:

    My email’s on it’s way to you Geoff …

  17. Geoff- can you not just draw up a CITV-stylie fact sheet, and distribute it on Wednesday? It’s save having to type the e-mail over and over again..

  18. David A says:

    After seconds of searching I finally found your site again. Click, added to bookmarks 😛 Anyway, back to you.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY (2 days late but better late than never 😉 ) I hope it was very joyless and meaningless like every birthday after you turn 16 🙁 . Did you get anything worth selling as there seems to be an influx of users on eBay recently 🙂 😛

    Good luck, lada yade ya etc etc 🙂

  19. David A says:

    P.S. Your 33! :O Blimey, your mum must be soooo proud 😛 😉

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