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Tears, Beers and Buses

“So how comes you need a new vacuum cleaner then?” asks Gill, the super friendly customer services assistant to me in my local Sainsbury’s this afternoon. I’m down there buying a new Dyson, only they haven’t got any out on the shelves, so I’ve had to ask at the customer services desk to see if they’ve got any in stock round the back.

“Oh, it’s a long story – you don’t want to know!” I say with a smile. Trouble is, she mistakes this for ‘I want to tell you really but am going to make you work for it’.

“Ooh, go on! You have to tell me now!” she says. But no – I don’t have to tell her now. I don’t want to have to tell her that the reason I’m having to buy a new one is because I saw my ex-girlfriend today who complained about the crappy vacuum cleaner that she’s got in the new place that she’s moved to, and as she’s doing this she’s coughing terribly and complaing about the allergies that she’s suffering from at the moment – to the point where it guilts me into giving away the Dyson that I’ve got (which admittedly, we bought jointly), so that I give it to her and thus leaving me vacuum-cleanerless, and hence me then going straight out and buying a new one.

But I don’t say that do I? No … instead I actually start crying. Ok – slight exaggeration perhaps – but enough tears come to my eyes for uber-helpful Gill to see, and for me to wipe away that she looks moritified and starts apologisng profusley, as if her life (or in reality, her job) depended on it. Funny how buying a domestic item can do that to you.

Kwak BeerI drunk some excellent beer last night. Had to go and see a mate who’s getting married next month, and I am doing a spot of ushing for him so was getting the low-down on my ‘duties’ for the day. “Drink?” he said just before dinner, and proceed to serve me up with an amazing Belgian beer ‘Kwak’ – which I probably wouldn’t have felt was worth talking about if it wern’t for the fact that I felt obliged to take a picture of the glass that it came in – and then felt the need to do something with the picture. The glass comes with it’s own wooden glass-holder which my friend got when he bought a whole load of the beer in France. All I know is that I now want to go to France for the day, and pick up a crate load of it myself.

So I was feeling a little tipsy when I got on the bus home from his, and was immediately confronted with three other surly looking blokes on the bus.

All of us were lost in our own little worlds of music, book reading, or looking like you were also pissed and wanted to pick a fight with someone, so I took my seat in the corner, ‘podded up and proceeded to ignore them.

Well – apart from the fact that I started thinking “That one looks like a a geeky librarian, that ones looks like a drug dealer, and that one looks like he is out of his face on drugs already” (it’s a classy bus route the 281, I’m telling ya…).

But then at a few bus stops down, a woman – carrying a bag gets on, and I notice that she has one of her arms tied up in a sling. Nothing wrong with that, except that the bus driver then pulls away quicker than she was expecting, and wasn’t holding onto anything with her one free arm, and she fell flat on her face as the bus pulled away.

And so at the same time, all four of us blokes who had all been grumpily ignoring each other all jumped up to help her to make sure was ok (she was).

We chatted to her for a bit, and then she got off, but the rest of us then all carried on chatting … getting off along the way, but one bloke (who turned out not to be a drug dealer after all) I spoke to all the way to the same stop where I was getting off, and I liked that .. I liked that fact that an incident got four complete strangers on a bus to come together for a moment, proving that human spirit and kindness is actually alive and well after all.

40 responses to “Tears, Beers and Buses”

  1. Ian says:

    I’m surprised that your gadgety world has not yet succumbed to robot vacuum cleaners. They even come in pink

    Pushing vacuums around is so last century.

  2. pixeldiva says:

    I gave up the joint Dyson too (a gift from my mother – which pissed her off massively, but that’s another story).

    Only difference is that my new flatmate has both a hoover and a cleaner wot uses it, and I don’t have dust allergies and stuff so I didn’t bother going and buying a new one.

  3. Jono says:

    Dear iBlog Readers,

    If you ever invite Geoff to be an usher at your wedding, he will:

    1. Be Late
    2. Stand on your future sister-in-law’s foot
    3. Spend most of the reception trying to find out the Spurs score

    You have been warned.

  4. Mavis says:

    “the rest of us then all carried on chatting, getting off along the way”.

    The experimental phase huh? Getting off with blokes on buses, I’m beginning to wonder what you really bought the hoover for…

  5. geofftech says:


    you missed out:

    4. Get charged 50 by Waverley Borough Coucil along with three other groups of guests at your wedding for parking in a car park that you told us was free, and then spend the next three months writing letters to them to get the money back. Bastards.

    Txt’ing your mates asking for the football scores on a Sautrday afternoon during season is part of the tradition at weddings now anyway…

  6. geofftech says:

    And why would I want a robot vacuum that comes in pink? To match my gay coloured credit card?

  7. Neil says:

    There’s nothing wrong with pink …

  8. And there’s nothing wrong with being gay, either Neil.

  9. stroppycow says:

    what are you trying to say about the 281 bus?

  10. Sideburns are also a smidge gay. At least here in the ‘States. Oh in Hawaii, the word for gay is “mahu.” Not that there is anything wrong with being mahu. Not a single thing. Stand up. Be proud.

  11. Stand up, be proud, and hold up your pink credit card without shame!

  12. Moley says:

    Well Geoff,

    You haven’t made use of my results service yet this season 😉

  13. Wait. Neill & Geoff both have the pink Credit Card?

  14. Neil says:

    Kris – why do you assume I’m gay?

    And no, I don’t even have a credit card, let alone a pink one …

  15. geofftech says:

    I’m not mentioning the football tonight Chris – neither of us should! And i’ve enabled my phone now so i can access the BBC wap pages anyway… considering it’s a bloody service i help run/monitoring, i figured the least i could do would be to use it from time to time!

    Anyway. I just admitted to crying over buying a vacuum cleaner, and all anyone ever talks about is mine & Neil’s sexuality. ~sigh~ …

    Nothing wrong with the 281 H, but even you get snobby about certain parts of Hounslow…

  16. Oh, but Geoff- it’s all appropriate!

    We’re discussing the two of you coming out of the closet.

    And it’s probably the same closet you’re gonna keep it in..

  17. N.o.rthener says:

    What, we aren’t mentioning the plucky underdogs, the mighty mariners seeing off the “premier leagues” almost finest. Shame that.

  18. Moley says:

    No we are not – and I’m not even a spurs fan

  19. Annie Mole says:

    Sorry to hear about the GF Geoff – but sounds like you’re coping well with plenty of Belgian Beers to compensate. 😉

    I hate those situations when I feel like I’m about to burst into tears in front of complete strangers. I seem to have a habit of crying in Chinese Restaurants as it always seemed to be the place where me and ex-hubby would have our marital downers. But it certainly beats Sainsbury’s. 🙂

  20. Anonymous says:

    so Geoff turns up at your wedding, and insists that he has a picture of you for his site, with as many iPods in it as possible, and the Spurs match in the background too…

  21. Alan Perks says:

    Back to the football theme, and as they sing in Grimsby, “There’s only one Kamudimba Kalala!” Heh heh heh, 89th minute too. Not much coming back from that, is there?!

  22. Ian says:

    Don’t they sing “We’ve got all the fish” at Grimsby?

  23. N.o.rthener says:

    They have been heard to sing “we’re only singing cos we’re fishing”, now where did i put my inflatable cod

  24. Neil: I dunno, there have just been quite a few odd photos….and those sideburns…but it’s OK, lots of great people are gay, nothing at all wrong with it. You’re among friends here.

  25. Anonymous says:


    Kris is convinced that Neil is gay. Photos aside it would seem that Neil is straight.

  26. Peter says:

    Kris is convinced that Neil is gay.

    Clicking on the link to Kris’ website/blog, the first line is “I dream of Jigglypuffs”.

  27. ahh yes…I wish a few Jigglypuffs would descend on Iraq right now….wouldn’t that be lovely?? Everyone would stop fighting and fall peacefully asleep. This world needs more Jigglypuffs.

    Neil, since I haven’t met you, I can only go by the photos I have seen… and quite frankly, some ~are~ of a somewhat questionable nature.

    Regarding comment #27, only the administrator here can tell us, in probability, who wrote it by looking at IPs. So who did?

  28. Neil says:

    I like to keep people guessing …

  29. Anonymous says:

    Several of Geoff’s family have thought for some time that he is gay…..

    Hope that helps.

  30. Annie Mole says:

    BTW thanks for finally sorting out that ridiculous thing with your menu where the blue bar hid what you were trying to type in comments and stuff.

    Actually Geoff’s mum did mention something at the tuberelief party too, something about Geoff and bends or bender or something, or was it that Geoff drove her round the bend. I forget now 🙂

  31. Isaac Hunt says:

    A tear ran down my leg as I read about your weeping moment, Geofftech 🙁

  32. Sill looking forward to having Geoff’s mum write her memoirs. I would be a best seller. Or someone should give her her own talk (chat) show… she’s that entertaining.

    Oh, and the Geofftech drop down menus still disappear (actually it is a rather nifty special effect) in my Netscape and Firefox. Until the page is reloaded.

    I think someone should start a new blog:

  33. geofftech says:


    what is your fixation about you wanting people to be gay? If you ask me, you’re being a bit anti-straight person, which I find almost offensive…

    New menus being built at the moment using just CSS (Jono?), and a little bit of Javascript for the knobheads who insist on using IE. So it’ll all be lovely soon. Honest.

    Now where did I put my butt plug….?

  34. Mark Garth says:

    Arghhh, that is an image too far!

  35. Neil says:

    It’s up my arse. Do you want it back?

  36. Jono says:

    I do occasionally have to do some work, you know. You’ll get your menus soon enough.

    If anyone else is interested in CSS, there are worse places to start than here.

  37. geofftech says:

    Just make sure you give it a rinse first please, mate.. and i’ll have it back. Ta!

  38. GT: Not fixated at all! There is nothing wrong at all with being gay. Some of my best friends are.

    BTW, in a newly released American movie (“The 40-year old Virgin”) the guy is told by a woman that she thinks he “must” be gay. Why? Because he admits to liking Coldplay.

    There’s not a thing wrong with Coldplay. I happen to love Coldplay and I know GT does too.

  39. Simon says:

    off topic again, but that beer, you can buy it in beirodrome 🙂

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