Oh C***!
I was going to buy the new Mike Gayle novel today, until I found that it had yet another sickeningly ingratiating ‘thanks’ section (as per his last book which was shit), and so it put me right off buying it and I started scanning the shelves of WHSmiths for something else instead.
I didn’t actually go in to buy a book – all I wanted was a padded envelope so that I could post a video back to someone, but it cost 59p, and I only had a twenty pound note on me – and so I felt that I had to buy something else. I’m not alone in doing that right? You don’t want to be chastised for sucking dry the shops cash register, so you look for something else to buy so that when you hand over that note it feels like a more worthwhile purchase.
Well in the end, I got a copy of Mark Mason’s “The C Words”. And that’s Commitment, Coupledom and Children before you ask. I was hooked by the summary on the back … “Alex is thirty four and, after a string of unsuccesful relationships is single once again“. Heh.
Even better, inside is a whole dialogue where he’s having a conversation with a female friend of his where they talk about someone being JGE.
‘JGE’ you ask? Just Gay Enough, of course! And in light of the comments we’ve been having here recently, I couldn’t help but quote part of the book:
“It doesn’t mean literally gay. It just means being in touch with your feminine side. Women don’t like overtly heterosexual men. You know, shirt open to the waist, medallion, leather trousers, and of the rubbish. It puts them off. They want a a bloke who’s not too threatening. They want you to have some of the characteristics of a gay man, without actually being gay. So they can talk to you about clothes, interior decorating, that sort of thing – but they still want you to be a complete animal in bed”.
Now I thought that this was just bollocks for a novel, but turns out it’s been mentioned here here and here before! So what do we think – real enough? Or a complete load of tosh …
After living in London for the first 33 years of my life and working for the 
So for ten weeks in June, July and August 2009, I drove 20,000 miles around the the lower 48 contiguous states of the USA visiting towns and places that shared the same name as places on The London
Ah dear – I don’t look at Geoff’s blog for one day cos of burfday celebrations and look what happens.
James Blunt – not particularly gorgeous but can see the appeal.
You’re Beautiful is one of THE best records in the charts and anyone who thinks it’s about a stalker should try reading the lyrics properly – Badly Dubbed Boy – how in God’s name did you get that stalker interpretation from the lyrics. http://www.jamesblunt.com/songs/beautiful.html He doesn’t stalk her – he goes past someone on a crowded tube and thinks she’s a bit of allright – as does she and he knows they will never see each other again, but is quite happy with that.
Kris – there was a link to the video on my blog ages ago http://www.jamesblunt.com/video.html#
http://london-underground.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_london-underground_archive.html#112598751925031523
James Blunt was also featured in The Times weekend magazine not last Saturday but the Saturday before
Geoff – you think JB looks quite good – what are you gay or something
Thx a million for this, Annie, will watch now and give you all my opinion. If I can walk upright afterwards that is…
Just kidding you know, I actually think Kevin Spacey is the real dish around town. And he is NOT gay.
i really really don’t see the appeal. He sounds like an obsessive stalker type (james blunt this is) through the music…it’s a bit namby pamby and…errr….not really…hmm. how to put this….
well, he’s some guy who happens to have been made famous by his record company who will no doubt be dropped after a difficult second album or when he decides he needs to become a monk or something. he thinks someone’s beautiful but can’t go and tell them and he thinks there’s no chance (because she’s with someone else?) well, why not say something, and she might feel the same!
yes it’s nice to have someone catch your eye but woudln’t it be better if he said something too? i guess he’d have just got a slap (or a punch, depending on the “manlinesss”) from the woman’s boyfriend.
I suspect she’s quite happy about never having to see him again too. The munter. (Kris… http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=munter)
As for the lyrics… nonsense… “I’ve got a plan” then two seconds later “I don’t know what to do”. It’s right up there with ob-la-di as pure poetry. However, I’m surprised that as, an ex-squaddie, he can string that many words together and still nearly make sense.
Lissen y’all, as an amateur songwriter myself (ever tried it? writing lyrics is very difficult)and as a professional copywriter, I can tell you.. this is an ace song. Go on, try and write a love song in a “different” way… in a way that has never been done before. His hook is striking, that’s why it’s a hit. There IS a formula for writing hit songs…and if you listen, almost all hit #1 songs have it. Verse, Chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. Title always in chorus. Melody with hooks, original lyrics with hooks. Corresponding lines in every verse contain the same number of syllables; each verse contains eight lines of lyric…ETC… Not as easy as it seems.
The lyrical content reflects that instantanous moment you connect with someone, a stranger (we’ve all had that happen) and then the self doubt that follows about it. It sounds like something that actually happened to him. And therefore is even more compelling story to hear.
Try it. Sit down and write love song lyrics in a way that’s never been done before. Without lame rhyme or cliches. James Blunt nails it.
And I was not able to view the video on any Macintosh browser I own. Crashed apps. Drat.
“An ode to Kris”
All day and night, you’re on my mind, I’m so in love with you.
There have been so many women in my life, but if I’d of met you first Kris, it’s would only have been a few.
I feel like I have animal lust, or perhaps just an animal – locked up in a cage.
Or maybe it’s because I can never reveal my true love, until you reveal your f*cking age!
You’re right, it’s a lot tricker that it looks.
Big up, the Blunty boy.
Nice. This, from someone who doesn’t “do” lyrics?
You forgot to put the song title in the chorus. Oh, wait I don’t see a chorus. I also forgot to tell you, each line of lyric should contain either 8 or 16 musical bars. Try it again, with that in mind. Also good lyrics should, among other things:
• maintain consistent tone, tense and style throughout
• Use fresh imagery
• avoid clichés
• Use rhyme appropriately
• Doesn’t “tell” how the singer feels, “shows” how
• be completely original, yet still universal
• have a second verse that adds new information
• have a very catchy title. One that everything in the song supports or reverts back to.
See why people like JB nail it? Go on, GT second verse then. You have talent.
Please don’t encourage him with his songwriting “skills” – How anyone could actually sing Geoff’s song is beyond. However it has given me the biggest laugh of the day so far
, but it’s not 7am yet, so that can’t be too hard.
No? I thought “cage” and “age” was brilliant rhyming.
But he shouldn’t be afraid to use the full word, “fuckin’.” James Blunt does. Very expressive word, innit?
Actually Geoff’s true talents lie elsewhere. As I have told him many times.
Kris:
Your face is so alluring, when you smile my way
But sadly I can’t have you, cos me and Geoff are gay
oh deary deary me.
I know what you mean Kate – it should be “Geoff and I”.
You and Geoff are gay?
I always knew there was something about you, Ian …
We all know Ian has ‘issues.’ Lots of them.
It is perfectly OK in song lyrics to adjust grammar to fit the space or the context. That’s why you hear “ain’t” used so much. So Neil’s verse is perfect.
but then even saying “cos” isn’t completely English, becuase cos is because, and…there aren’t enough syllables!
it’s interesting to see the word “alluring” though.
Again… perfect English “ain’t” required here. This is songwriting, not expository English writing class. Rules can be broken for emphasis or effect. But it can’t be forced.
Exactly. “Alluring” is an excellent adjective to use here. Different, refreshing…. and of course, in this case, also TRUE.
66 comments – the most ever on my blog. Who would have predicted that? Myabe we could play a game here:
Kris/Annie/Neil/Kate/Ian & Me – let’s all take turns in writing one line of a song, and see where it goes.
Or perhaps we could just stop contributing to this thread now! Jeez….
My song writing talents are clearly not as good as yours and Neil’s – but I’ll have a go.
I think it might help to have a toon – so I’d suggest an very auld song just so that me and Kris will recognise it – “Rock around The Clock” – but renamed to “Rock around the Blog”
and my first few lines are …….
“One two three o’clock, four o’clock blog
five six seven o’clock, eight o’clock blog
nine ten eleven o’clock twelve o’clock blog
We’re gonna rock around the blog tonight
Put your leather trousers on and join me pop
We’ll have some fun seeing if Geoff’s gay or not….
OK here’s an example of what I mean by original, never been done before. You might hate the song itself (Smash #1 in the U.S. by Toni Braxton), but bear with me and try to get the point. What do you think more effectively communicates the idea?
1. “I miss you so much and want you to come back to me because I’m so sad.”
-Or_
2. “Un-break my heart.”
succinct things are good, kris in hawaii, so the un-breakingness is obviously the best. Did anyone release a song with the missing so much and wanting to come back because they were sad?
was it james blunt? :p
“…we’re gonna rock around the blog tonight
we’re gonna blog, blog, blog, till it’s broad daylight…
we’re gonna rock, gonna rock around the blog tonight”
now that song’s stuck in “head-rotation”!
WARNING: this comment contains material of an explicit nature.
Oh Kris, your breasts remind me
Of pools of melted chocolate
I want to dive deep down and taste their goodness
Your skin so soft and silky
Encompasses me softly
And makes me want to give you a pearl necklace
Good gracious. What happened to that famous British reserve I hear people banging on about so much?? But I like where you’re going with this.
Excuse me while I recover for a second before offering objective songwriting analysis. *gurgle*
To quote another hit-maker: “It’s getting Hot in Herre” (Nelly)
I’m a perv – what do you expect?
*Gurgle* !? Are you lapping up Neil’s pearls of wisdom their Kris?
I hope the young’uns aren’t reading this …
I’m thinking od sending Alberto Gonzales after all of you (The new United States attorney general who has just made stamping out soft-core porn the number one criminal/crime-fighting priority at the FBI. Ahead of getting the Mob or terrorists. For our own good o’ course.)
All I do is offer some clean songwriting challenge and it sinks in the gutter of bankrupt morals in 30 seconds’ time.
But I still like where you’re going.
The imagery is tops. go on, Neil, write some more. You too Geoff. It’s all for art’s sake.
AND, it may prove once and for all that the two of you aren’t gay.
Sorry Kris – I’ve shot my load for tonight.
You’ll have to wait …
I am ROLTFLMAO at all of this. Quite right Neil. Quite enough for one evening.
oops, meant ROTFLMAO. you know… “rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.” (Er, maybe that image might inspire some more poetry?)
More poetry about your ass tomorrow then.
oh deary deary deary dear.
i think i’m someones grandmother saying all that.
Thanks “loads” Neil. Looking forward to it.
Kate: Don’t blame you. This discussion has gotten far more scandalous than it should have. It might even shock Abbi Titmouse, or whatever her name is.
Kris – Abi Titmuss although loving your alternative spelling
Neil – anyone would think you were sex obsessed or something
Everyone else – James Blunt – Three nominations in the 2005 MTV awards
“Newcomer James Blunt is up for Best Song for the hit You’re Beautiful, Best New Act, and Best UK and Ireland Act.” http://breakingnews.iol.ie/entertainment/story.asp?j=157289034&p=y57z8974x
I rest my case
Last year, Anastacia “Left Outside Alone” was nominated.
The previous year, Justin Timberlake “Cry me a River” was nominated.
Prosecution rests.
I propose a songwriting competition of some nature. I shall elaborate more when i’ve thought it through. In the meantime, have a cold shower, the lot of you!
How about this for an idea Ian:
We all write a song and the best one wins.
Call me crazy …
How do we decide whose is best though?
Already done!!! http://www.barking-book.com/Underground_Masker_Stand_On_The_Right,_Please_(District_line_Dub)_128k.mp3
I win.
Argh, that URL didn’t fully work – copy and pase it all, including the .mp3 bit, for it to work.
Yeah Anthony – it’s highly derivative if you ask me. And how many times do you repeat “Tube challenge” – come on
Your song doesn’t count, maskboy.
It’s a rip off of someone else’s
We’re talking original material here.
That’s fantastic, Anthony, but how did you pursuade Brian Cant to do the lead vocals?
My song is NOT derivative or unoriginal!
I didn’t persuade Cant to do the vocals – I killed him and harvested his larynx.
I thought some other cant did the vocals to that …
And what happened to my ass as a song subject?
Anthony, didn’t you use those same words “derivative” and “unoriginal” yesterday on Annie’s blog? You’re repeating yourself!
Ian, let’s see what you got, we haven’t heard from you yet.
And I really think Kate’s verse is best so far: “Oh deary, deary, dear, deary me.”
you could make this whole comments thingie into a song. everryone interjects different bits at different times and so on and so forth. that way, there would be lots of lines, and it would be an incredibly random and badly written song. but it could be very funny.
especially with samples of things intertwined in. Such as “mind the gap” or snippets of strange noises or….you get the picture.
If you take that idea of random snippets being thrown all together to make something, you might just end up with a film like Guy Ritchie’s new one “revolver”. Absolute bag of arse – the whole thing is like an in-joke that only Guy Ritchie gets, the scenes are as blunt as a spoon and as stupid as that analogy……I work for a cinema chain and yet urge anyone not to see this film – you can’t get those two hours back people!
He doesn’t have to make good movies. He’s married to Madonna.
Are we supposed to be getting this up to 100 comments for the hell of it?
Allow me to do it by way of an ode to Kris’s ass (as she requested):
Decisions are the hardest when you find yourself in quandaries
You can’t decide which option you like more
And that is why dear Kris,
I have made my mind up swiftly
And confess I want Geoff’s ass much more than yours
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