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Irrelevant: Two of Three

Bollards!Three conversations I’ve had over the past couple of days:

1/ Are there men that sit down to go to the loo when they’re just having a wee. And why do they do this?

2/ If you want to slit your wrists to kill yourself, how it’s better to do it lengthways than across the wrists as it’s then harder to stem the flow of blood if someone finds you and tries to save your life.

3/ If someone had thrown you out of a plane without a parachute, would you prefer to blackout (by reaching your terminal velocity) and almost guarantee your death, or would you rather be conscious in case you can somehow break your fall, but run the risk of being alive at the moment that you die. (?)

Bollards!I obviously have some strange conversations with people, but none stranger than the debate raging over the new ‘bendy bollards’ that are now appearing up and down the length of the UK.

A few months ago, the magazine section on the website reported on a rather brilliant story about how ‘flexible friends’ – bendy roadsigns were being introduced into the UK in an effort to cut down on the number of deaths that occur on the roads when people crash into them.

Now it seems that this practise has been extended to the humble traffic bollard, as more and more all over the place now, I’m seeing the traditional ‘square’ lit up bollard being replaced with a flatter version – which is also luminous yellow and thus presumably saving a bit of electricity somewhere as it doesn’t have to be powered anymore.

They also ‘bend’ quite nicely .. as you can see here from these pictures (actually taken the other day when I’d just come out of the Apple Store from having bought my video iPod), but somehow lack the classic design of the older versions.

Bollards!So – do you like the new ones?

Have you seen any other design of bollards in your neighbourhood?

Feel feel to send me in some pictures of any different bollards that you see, and I’ll whack them up here … Told you this week would be irrelevant!

23 responses to “Irrelevant: Two of Three”

  1. Paul Webb says:

    re: Conversation 1. I once lived with a guy who set down to take a wee. My bafflement at him was equalled by his bafflement at me for standing up. Equally, I am baffled as to how I came to know this bit of information.

  2. Paul Webb says:

    Ohh, and an interesting fact about getting thrown out of an aeroplane. If the aeroplane is open topped and is desending in a clockwise spiral, make sure that you are thrown out of right hand side, ‘cos there is a chance that as the ‘plane comes round you will fall back into it! There are reports of this happening during WWI.

  3. Bod says:

    I would be interested to know the exact purpose of a bendy bollard as a safety innovation in this particular situation, given the presence of a whacking great post directly behind it.

  4. A most pleasureable experience. I would send photos but no one at work volunteered to help!

  5. Scott (aka Agent Lancashire) says:

    Most agree with Bod, nice to know that you’ll live an extra 2 milliseconds as your car safely bends the bollard then smashes itself to pieces on the lampost behind. Unless it’s a bendy lampost of course!!!!!! Now there’s an idea, it’d look pretty on a windy day 🙂

  6. Chz says:

    1 – Well, in my house the seat won’t stay up on its own. So owing to my complete lack of co-ordination, it’s just easier to sit down. Works better at 3am, as well.

    2 – “Down, not across” is the motto of the professional sysadmin. Remember what Rippy the Razor says…

    Rippy the Razor

  7. ian says:

    it’s the only decent thing to do to a micra, James.

    Might these new bollards be more difficult for students to nick ?

  8. Sam says:

    Wow Bendy Bollards, I have not heard of these before, man where have i been?
    Where are these being introduced to?? I want too see one, i see enough non bendy ones in teh court yard of my halls od res, hmmm wonder why!

  9. The Rage says:

    A sit down wee is very useful whilst under the influence – it prevents peeing on shoes and carpets, thereby saving relationships.

  10. Alan says:

    1. It’s harder to miss in the dark when sat down; takes less energy if feeling dead; it’s better if theres more then one of you in the room. Other than those highly convincing senarios standing works well.

    2. I’ll bear that in mind should I wish to slit my wrists – which I doubt I shall as the thought makes me cringe. Pils – so much easier.

    The bollards look… stupid. I always liked seeing ones that looked like soeone drove over them, made it more interesting…

  11. maia says:

    Husband sits down. Says it is more respectful and less chance of ‘spillage’. I think he just does so to enable him to read my magazines he pilfers from my office in comfort. Son stands but damn if he didn’t SIT. Less mess for me.

  12. maia says:

    Another idea for mindless blogs? An hourly photo and description of what you were doing.

  13. neil365 says:

    How the hell are students supposed to drunkenly rip them up and place them in their front room. As a student my bedside light was a pilfered and modified old style bollard, along with a stuffed bagpuss, and an ironic piture of Jimmy Tarbuck in full golf gear on the wall (ok so the last two I just made up).

  14. Ben says:

    All this coming from a guy who shaves on the toilet. Why such fascination geoff?

    I sit down (if you want to add me to your chart), mainly because it’s a chance to read but also to eliminate the risk of spraying….

    Well, ask an irrelevant question…..

  15. Andrew says:

    I wholeheartedly suggest trying the sit down wee. I do it at home. If you’ve ever taken up a carpet, lino etc… in a bathroom you would do the same. No matter how careful you are there is always a chance you will misfire (especially if it’s dark or you’re drunk or half asleep). Larry David from Curb your Enthusiasm even promotes it and he’s a genius!

    Larry David: I pee sitting down.
    Jeff Greene: You pee sitting down?
    Larry David: Yeah! Have you ever tried it?
    Jeff Greene: No!
    Larry David: It’s more comfortable. When you get up during the night you don’t have to turn on the light and wake up, and you get to read.
    Jeff Greene: What are you reading?
    Larry David: I’m reading a lot of stuff.
    Jeff Greene: What stuff?
    Larry David: If I peed twenty times during a day I can get through a whole New York Times for god’s sake!
    Jeff Greene: Twenty times?
    Larry David: Yeah! Hey buddy, when you’re peeing all over your shoe, I’m learnin’ somethin’!
    Jeff Greene: What makes you think I’m peeing all over my shoe while you’re learnin’ somethin’?

  16. Philippa says:

    dammit bod you pipped me to the to speak. lucky i checked previous comments before posting that witty observation..

  17. Roland Young says:


    You do make me laugh

    Take care mate


  18. Rich says:

    I tend to sit down at home as it elimiates a lot of tutting if my aim isn’t very good (or even worse if you have one of those doubled stream ones!).

  19. geofftech says:

    Purely for entertainment purposes… as long as you get that ratty boy, as long as you get that. (And the rest of you too)

  20. Anthony says:

    The split stream is an unexpected, alarming but thankfully rare phenomenon, for which many gentlemen will not be adequately prepared. In most other scenarios, there is no reason to spend (read “waste”) the extra time both sitting down for a number one, and performing the necessary trouser-hoisting operations also involved.

    It is also sometimes more relaxing to use the cubicle, whether sitting or standing, to reduce the impact of the general agoraphobic nature of the urinals, giving way to a more leisurely slash.

  21. Jon. Justice says:

    I tend to sit down for number two’s. Usually, a bonus number one accompanies it. So I guess I have sat down and peed.

  22. Charlotte says:

    Seeing as we seem to be (kind of) on the subject of killing yourself i thought i’d impart a bit of wisdom i was told a long time ago….

    “Razors pain you, rivers are damp, acid stains you and drugs cause cramp, guns aren’t lawful, nooses give, gas smells awful so you might as well live.”


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