The weighting game
You know how the whole world is on a diet?
Everyone except me that is. In fact, it’s the reverse. I want to get fatter please – so if anyone has got any good tips of how I can increase my bulk – please let me know!
Over the last 6 months I’ve managed to lose 13 Kilograms – that’s just over a stone to you oldies, and my Body Mass Index has now dropped from the middle of the ‘healthy’ 19-25 range, to just under the bottom end of it. Technically I’m still healthy – but only just!
I think this is fairly unique isn’t it? Most people at some stage or another in their lives worry about their weight and want to lose a few Kg. I’ve had people say to me already “But you’re lucky… why would you want to put on weight?”. Well because it can be just as much a sensitive issue for someone who is underweight as for someone who is over. When someone called out to me at work the other week “Oi! Marshall – why don’t you eat something?”, it reeeally pissed me off for a while.
So I ended up at the doctors this week – just in case. Just to be checked, and the doctor reassured me that I wasn’t about to whither away and die – I just needed to eat more food! She also pointed out that I was likely to live longer because of my gaunt frame, and that “You may never fatten out – mr brother is 38 and just as thin as you are now”. Oh, thanks!
So I’ve switched back to full fat milk. (Tea tastes odd for the first couple of times, but then you get used to it again). I did not skimp on the butter on my bacon sarny this morning. But any other weight gaining tips like I say are most welcome.
Maybe I just need to hurry up and move, after all on the website this week is a story about how people get chunkier when they co-habit. But that’s not going to happen for a few weeks though – more weighting (sic). And a very very frustrating period too …
(Oh, and incidentally I currently weigh around 68 Kilograms, and I used to be 81!)
After living in London for the first 33 years of my life and working for the 
So for ten weeks in June, July and August 2009, I drove 20,000 miles around the the lower 48 contiguous states of the USA visiting towns and places that shared the same name as places on The London
The answer to any weight problem, whether over or under, is to do exercise. We were built to do a certain amount of physical work, and not doing upsets our systems, one way or the other. Get out on your bike (or come round and help me clear out the garage).
Well im sat in bed at 2.30 in the afternoon eating brownies and coconut macaroons…i’d recommend that!!
Jono – I’ll come and clear out your garage if I can then come and dump some of my stuff in it that I won’t be needing for a while …
Whenever I have a problem, I just ask “What would Elvis do?”, and an answer always comes…
http://splendidtable.publicradio.org/recipes/main_pbsand.html
I used to never put on any weight, then after I’d graduated the weight started to slowly creep up (now 34″ waist
).
CHEESE. Treat yourself to some decent cheese (and biscuits) for supper!
Been on the beach? Well-tanned feet, Geoff!!!
Peanut butter and banana sandwich fried in butter? Oh my god how ill would you be after one of those!
My favourite has always been a triple fried egg sandwich with chilli sauce and chutney. You have to make sure you eat it before the bread dissolves though…
5. They look more dirty than tanned to me.
I suggest eating less aeroplane food, as it contains no recognised nutrients.
My favourite unhealthy snack is the FFFSSS – the Five Fish Finger Sandwich with Spinach and Salad-cream. Well, the spinach is healthy, and the bread is…
Got a similar problem, only got out of hospital last month..and managed to go from 9st 2lbs to 8st whilst in there. The hospital nutritionalist told me to eat lots of pasta with a proper cheese sauce.(Canelloni, lasagne if you find pasta twists a bit boring)
If you want something light, a bacon bits, crouton and avocado salad will do.
As for milk – try Jersey milk (from Tesco, in a tall plastic bottle) it’s full cream (gold top) but it doesn’t taste as fatty.
When I first left home and was skint as hell, I almost lived on fish finger sandwiches.. with a side of baked beans as it was during the baked bean wars, and they were 2p a tin.
More full fat Starbucks? My brother, when having the same problem (hefinally gained weight the year is turned 40, and is now on a diet *L*) drank protein drinks. You still need healthy fats or you could just cause problems. Good combinations of protein and carbs are meant to be good. A diet like an athelete would have.
Can I recommend the Oreo UnDiet?
A packet a day should sort things.
I seem to remember when I was there last May you weighed 84. So you’ve really dropped. Don’t eat junk, that is just empty calories…so more protein! More chicken and fish! Work out to add more muscle weight. Drink some protein shakes.
Of course there is always all that Southern food. Biscuits, gravy, fried chicken, krispy kremes. Or ask your mum for advice! They always like to tell you how to eat. Or just wait until you are 40. Then metabolism automatcally slows.
I think that weigh-in image is something G. pulled off the ‘Net. Yes?
#13 – Erm, the image I used is clickable people! Click on it! And you will see where I got the image from!
Egg and bacon cheeseburger. Not a takeawy one but a real burger.
My BMI is 18.52, apparently, which is an interestingly precise number given that the variables were measured to 2 or 3 significant figures!
That puts me at the underweight end of the “healthy” category.
My BMI is currenty 18.42, and yet it used to be 21.67
#12 Kris is right…..just you wait til you hit 40 years old mate! Why not do your own “Supersize Me” experiment…..?
I am just as skinny, so don’t worry Geoff! on the subject of weight, what pisses me off is the people, “oh its my glands”. No it isn’t, you’re an overweight gobshite! Do you see fat people in Eithopia on the news?! Gets right on my man breasts … if I had any!
Weight tips – well, I’ve got heavier since I’ve been married, so come on Geoff, invite us all to the states to see you get wed!
Whenever you are about to eat something, rub it on a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain!
I suggest going on regular pub crawls, making sure that you top it off with either a doner kebab (stay away from the grilled chicken, it’s far too healthy) or a curry.
If you don’t like that idea, then another option is to buy a pack of lard and eat it on crackers (as you would do with cheese).
An oldie says that 13kg is actually 28.6lbs which is two stones. Well done the secretnow is to keep it off
Pah, it’ll sort itself out when you swap longing for contentment, not long now
. I suppose I could contribute to your calorie intake by making up for the blueberry jam faux pas?:-)
Ooh! a chocolate cake for my leaving do. “That’ll do nicely”.
Of course I have to actually 1) arrange a leaving do, and 2) invite you all to it.
Can you do map of an outline of the states using icing on top? With South Carolina filled in?
Talking of which, here’s something I did today:
How many of the 50 states of the USA can you name? Off the top of your head! Go on … there are 50. I managed to get 32 today before conceding.
And for a real test, grab a list of all 50, but then see if you can place them all correctly in this blank map here … it’s much harder than you might think!
Ok, first to deal with, weight.
When I met you last summer you refered very specifically to my lack of bulk, and I quote:
Well, the situation is a dire as ever. I am older than you (just turned 35) and at basically 6ft tall, I still only weigh 120lbs — on a good day! I’ve been as low as 116 in the past few months. That results in a BMI of 16.7 which is well into the underweight zone. Who bloody cares!!
I eat what I want and when I want, and if some one else thinks I am anorexic or just too skinny it doesn’t matter. Sure I could never beat anyone up, but how often does one really have to do that?
I do sometimes tire of the media always talking about how everyone needs to lose weight because it simply does not apply to me. Be happy with what you have, it sure beats obesity.
Next, Geography!! I have always loved maps and things and will now brag that I can almost always name about 48 states from memory, and can generally place them all on the map correctly, but I tend towards being anorakish in such matters.
Try this place the state game here.
Wow, I dont think I can name all the states! LOL- Recipe to gain weight…. Get married! That worked for me.
Scott – Great game!! I got 36 out of 50 on my first attempt .. Marvellous!
C’mon Tami – give it a go .. I bet you can do it, if I can get 36!
Oh this is fun. 45 minutes of playing it solid, I got 47 out of 50, with an average error just just 9 miles. Can anyone beat that?
Hey…they did that on Friends, thats copying…sorry, they are always going on about plagarism at uni, gets hardwired into ur brain
Ok, I sort something out for the icing.
I am of a larger build than most, and my thinner friends often ask me for tips, and the one that worked best for them is to have fried bread whenever you have bread. You’ll be ill for the first day or so but the weight will pile on.
Yup… it was on TV the other night. The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs. I don’t ever recall ever seeing it before, most excellent.
The tricky ones are all the smaller ones up in the North East corner.
You must be the only person ever who’s gone to America and lost weight!
Back on the subject of Mr Skinny Britches, give Renee Zellweger a call. Doesn’t she swear by donuts?
Who won anything on the National then?
I won a jackpot £11. Marvellous.
My horse came in 4th.
I haven’t actually GONE to America … yet!
Well, you’ve BEEN…
Weight problem……acquire a taste for Guinness, about 20 pints a night. With peanuts, oh, and Chinese/Indian takeaway or kebab on the way home. Try this for a week, and if it doesn’t work, make another appointment to see me. There is no charge for my advice!
Geoff,
in your position as head of the BBC can you save The Really Wild Show? The 21st century is not ready for less Michaela Strachan on TV.
39 states placed perfectly, score of 78%, average error of 53 miles, all in 398 seconds.
OK, it gets a lot easier as you go along…
A similar-ish game.. but its countries world wide!!
http://www.geographyzone.com/new/index.php?t=1&b=1
Geoff, even most Americans have trouble with ID’ing the States. Show me a blank map and I can name most of them but not all. It’s fourth grade stuff, but sadly still most of us fail at it.
Well, If you’re moving to the US soon anyway, might as well wait to go on your undiet. I gained a ton of weight this past summer eating at Wendy’s (my favorite fast food joint)… Do you have them in the U.K.?
I used to be in the same skinny boat Geoff, but now I seem to be able to keep the weight up. I would reccomend taking sugar in your tea, or two sugars if you already take one, this really makes a difference for me, maybe its the 6 cups of coffee a day.
And #14 I agree, its not the glands, its the food they put in their mouths !
#44 yeah, and all skinny people have an eating disorder
We do have Wendys – but just a tiny number. McGonads and BK are more prevelant. I think the trick is going to be to eat a healthy well balanced diet at regular mealtimes, and then slip in the odd greasy fattening fast food item to fatten me up. Nice.
Sugar in tea? Yuukkk!
I just tried to write down all 50 states again, but could only get 49!! shit.. i’ve missed one…
Eat like 4 of 5 meals a day..doesn’t have to be hugely fatty stuff..how manky and unhealthy would that make you feel!!
Try protein drinks or mix 2 raw eggs with a pint of milk n drink about once a day…
(Its not me that does all this but my best mate n boyfriend are both in to putting on weight at the moment…)
Surely its better to build up muscle rather than fat?
Why not just boil the eggs (soft boil) and enjoy them with toast and the milk separately? There is NOTHING worse than a raw egg.
Excepting, perhaps, being shot in the face.
I can see that as well as a fortnightly iPodcast, i’m going to have to do a weekly graphy of “Geoff’s Weight”, aren’t I? so that you can all see if I’m getting fat or not!
The Simpsons holds the answers to everything – rub your food on a piece of paper, and if it turns clear (the paper, not the food) then that’s your window to weight gain!