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David the Tenant

EvictionEleven painful steps:

0 – Decide to rent out your flat, because you’re moving overseas. Choose local well-established lettings agency because you trust they will find you someone decent.

7 – Even though you contacted them three months before you left, the agency still haven’t found anyone for you by the time you come to leave. This continues for two more months during which there is still a mortgage to pay and no money coming in to pay it with.

9 – Eventually they get someone in. He can’t quite pay what you want, so you still have a small mortgage shortfall to make up, but you’re so grateful that you accept. Turns out that he’s a smoker, but has said that he’ll smoke outside. First suspicions that he may be a dubious character start to arise.

7 – In communication with your old neighbour a few weeks later, you discover that your tenant is a rude, obnoxious twat, who repeatedly and selfishly blocks the driveway stopping my neighbours getting in and out, is clearly smoking inside, and proceeds to dump two un-taxed rusty old vehicles in the private parking spaces. When he (eventually) gets one of them towed away, the tow truck damages the outside of your neighbours property.

0 – Further communications reveal that there are comings and goings of people at all times of day and night, especially on Fridays and Saturdays. Neighbour suspects that he is a small time drug dealer.

2 – A trustworthy friend is in need of a place to move to, and we rapidly realise that it would be massively helpful to me and massively helpful to them to have her renting my place out instead. So I gleefully give the legally required two months notice to the tenant, who therefore has to be out by the 28th December.

6 – Tenant goes incommunicado as of beginning of December. Fails to pay rent. Realisation that I may have to evict him. Contact eventually made via letting agency, “He has been advised to stay where he is and not pay rent”. Transpires that he is angling for free housing through the council.

3 – Legal proceedings started at the cost of over 1000 ($2000) to me – money that I will never ever see again.

0 – Discover that eviction is a long, slow tedious process with the law mainly falling on the side of the dossing good-for-nothing arsehole that is squatting in your property. You have to give notice that you are going to evict (two weeks), as the tenant can object during that time. When no objection was raised, you than have to give another two weeks – a deadline for the tenant to move out. When nothing was heard, you then have to apply to the court for a bailiff.

5 – The courts take a week to get back to you and inform you that they will evict him … in another 5 weeks time. So you have to wait some more, with no rent being paid to you, but with a building society still expecting you to make mortgage payments.

8 – Finally: Eviction. Three months after he should have been out, and five months after notice was first served, a legal representative of mine meets the bailiff at the agreed date and time, and the locks get changed and legally my place is now back under my control once more.

There is rubbish everywhere that need cleaning up. There are demands for money from various organizations to the name of the tenant (Mr Kiely), as well as other people that seemingly also lived there during his time. A bag of cocaine is found in one of the cupboards. There are paper plates, cups, saucers – all kinds of receptacles – with cigarette butts and evidence of joints all over the place. “Smoke outside” indeed. I get to find out his mobile phone number through one of many bills that were stacked up for him in the mail.

The whole thing has been a nightmare, and despite being very much out of pocket I am now very very glad that it’s all over. Thanks heavens my new tenant is much nicer.

Now, where was I? Oh yes … wedding.

24 responses to “David the Tenant”

  1. geofftech says:

    and how was Doctor Who for everyone, anyway? (David Tennant is only his stage name btw)

  2. zuzula says:

    Oh god, how hideous. You poor thing – so glad you’ve finally got rid of the tosser.

    Missed Doctor Who I’m afraid… but heard good reports!

  3. David - Lightwater - Back in the UK says:

    That’s fucking sucky man! It’s nice to hear that it’s over for you. I hope it never happens to me!

  4. stroppycow says:

    Dr. Who was suitably silly. First bit of TV watched in the flat. You’ll be glad to know the little pieces of foil scattered on the floor in the bedroom hoovered up nicely.

  5. geofftech says:

    ‘Foil’ ?? Good lord. Why am I thinking more “sinister activities”, rather than say the remnants of a Blue Peter craft project.

  6. stroppycow says:

    t’was the remnant of a bunch of Blue Peter dragons they’d made earlier for a special game of “you’re it”.

  7. geofftech says:

    look! it’s 43767! (I’ve gone all trainspotting… geddit?)

  8. Fimb says:

    OK, I@ve pondered this over night.

    but, the random numbers that seem to start each paragraph?

    Dr Who will be watched this afternoon (love this working at home malarky.. actually getting more done that I would in the office, and get to lust over David Tennant while I’m at it! yay!)

  9. Mark Garth says:

    Its that kind of tenant that makes you want to take the law into your own hands and have him evicted the hard way. Unfortunately, though the law is slow to help you out, I suspect that it would be a lot quicker in dealing with you.

  10. geofftech says:

    c’mon Fimb! didn’t your mum every buy you “The Ladybird book of spy codes” when you were a kid?

    i’ll give you a clue:

    >I get to find out his mobile phone number through one of many bills that were stacked up for him in the mail.

  11. ClaphamCommuter(G's mum) says:

    ‘Scuse me,is there some David,Ten(n)ant thing going on here? Did I miss something?
    Who? Doctor Who? or Dodgy tenant. I’m losing the plot, getting excited anout seeing Geoff in the flesh I expect.

  12. Andrew says:

    Well, at least you could sell the cocaine and make some of the money back.


    And since when did blog comments become a means to rent housing?

    Look on the bright side, my flat became home to an Italian and Spanish couple with relationship issues. Talk about two fiery personalities. Luckily, there was a counsellor downstairs …

  13. CV says:

    This looks like incitement to pester… Am I right?

  14. geofftech says:

    #13 – the great thing about being 5 hours behind is that calling someone at 4am UK time is not a hardship from this side of the pond. ~chuckle~

  15. Chz says:

    Wait, wait, wait… Bag of coke? There’s one month’s rent. 🙂

  16. geofftech says:

    alas, my dear mother (aka – ‘the cleaning lady’) already disposed of it.

    i still want to know though whether she did the old “dab moist finger” routine, like they do in all good cop movies.

  17. DivineMrsM says:

    Ah well. Less talk of drug dealing tenants and more talk of the Tennant. Husband secured autograph of said time travelling scotsman for eldest son this week. Very excited was he too.

    So was Henry …

  18. Jon Allen says:

    You have my sympathies. I had small problems with a tenant once, but no where near as bad as this.

    Trying to deal with it across the Atlantic must have made it even more difficult for you. I’ve got a cousin staying at my place, I hope she is behaving herself!

  19. Simon says:

    Hi all – none of you will know me, but I’ve been reading this blog for ages and thought I would post now…

    Am I the only one who has attempted to call the mobile number? -“I am sorry, this number is currently out of service.”

    Shame, I am sure he would have appreciated random calls half-way through the night…

  20. Geoff's Cousin says:

    If you still have the bag of cocaine can I have it please?

  21. Geoff's Cousin says:

    re #20….

    must read #16 before posting…..

  22. Andrew says:

    Your mum disposed of the cocaine? How? I’d check that sugar bowl if I were you…

  23. geofftech says:

    Simon… you really tried calling it? LOL! I did call it myself a couple of days before writing this post, and it DID ring before going to voicemail.


  24. Simon says:

    Well admittedly it would not be the worst form of retribution for a 24-7 drug dealer, but yes, it seemed like the logical thing to do when presented with the number….

    It’s still out of action, looks like he is not planning to pay that bill either.

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