Do NOT read this blog. Do NOT go to the Facebook group, and DO NOT play any of the videos that I slave away on the road producing on my trip.

Oh no … because the real fun, the real story, and the real feel for what’s going on on the road, is over at my twitter feed here.

And nowhere was it best put into practice in a place where video equipment was not allowed. Graceland allows you to take non-flash photos, but no video. (Side thought : As I wandered in with my Nikon D300 – allowed – it looks identical to a Nikon D90 which shoots video … how are they gonna know in future if your stills camera is also a worthy video camera? anyway …)

So if you missed out on the fun today, here’s a re-cap of all my tweets today from two hour trip around Elvis’s home, and my thoughts that go with it, or what led me to the tweet in the first place.

1. I’m goin’ to Graceland … #undusa

Federal Law states that you must play this Paul Simon song on the twenty minute drive from your campground to your way there. If you have your mother with you (like I did) you can sing along together with the windows wound down, it’s fun.

2. $10 just to PARK at Graceland! Duh. And an entrance ticket is going to be . . . ? #elvis #graceland #undusa

America: Land of the free, land of the car. Except at tourist exhibits. This was an early warning sign of the tourist trap that lay ahead. (Still I spent 10 minutes patrolling the car park on the way out looking for license plates I didn’t have and snapped a Kansas one … result!)

3. Wow. Choose your level of fandom: VIP tour: $69, Platinum tour: $33. Mansion only: $28. I think that’s a rip off. #elvis

At the entrance … and you really get a notion that this might just be the biggest rip-off ever. I’ve been to expensive theme parks with shit rides that were less pricey than that. Fortunately my mum picked up a voucher at the camp-ground this morning, this … plus she gets senior citizens discount and it’s a little less pricey. We get the Mansion Tour plus the auto museum.

4. Silly audio headset guide device has been thrust upon me. With a big orange plastic strap to hang round neck. #graceland

I refuse to look like a tourist, I refused to look like a tourist, I refuse to look like a … oh, bugger, I’m now wearing a silly headset thing. Well that AND my Nikon camera dangling off of my shoulder. I look like a tourist.

5. Additional ‘stable’ tour (e.g horses) for $15. Oooh. #elvis #graceland #expensive

Basically they’ve broken down Elvis’s life into various sections. Want to see his cars? That’s one ticket .. his stables? Another. His life in the Army? That’ll be another ten bucks. Like I say – how much of a fan are you?

6. And now we’re on a bus … I feel like such a tourist, which … is because i am, duh. #graceland

Disappointingly, Graceland is not tucked away in an idyllic country setting – oh no, it’s on one of the main highways into Memphis. And they’ve built an ugly visitors centre on the other side of the road, and then drive a fleet of minibuses back and forth all day to take you the 50 yards over there, because this is America and again Federal Law states that any journey over 20 paces must be done in a car.

7. I refuse to wear the headset and look like a geek. So i’m pressing one side of the headset to my ear instead.

My mum, however, is lapping it up, and I snap this photo of her looking like a geek.

8. Graceland mansion in 5 : It’s a big pretty house.

And that’s mainly what it is. A house that Elvis used to live in. It DOES have cool stuff inside to look at, but quite soon you realise that as a ‘tour’ it’s pretty much just a case of looking at paraphernalia that they’ve manged to collect, and not much in the way of interesting or educational information on the life and times of Mr. P.

9. Carpet on the ceiling inside Elvis’s house, brilliant! 1970′s kitsch all over. #graceland

There was green carpet on the floor of ‘The Jungle Room’. And matching green carpet on the ceiling too! Reminded me of a setting of 1970′s porn movies … that I hear so much about, never actually seen one, you understand.

10. I’m seeing lots of Elvis artifacts, but am not actually learning anything about the man, or his life. #graceland

It was about this point that I’d seen enough gold discs to last me a life time. I also started to feel like that the tour was really setup for people who were already into Elvis and they just wanted to oogle at all his possessions. If you knew nothing about the dude, and you wanted to say “Come to America … to Graceland, and learn about one of the most important musical cultural figures of a generation”, then you’d be wasting your $28 and you might as well stay at home and read up on the Wikipedia article about him instead, it’s cheaper.

11. I bet it won’t cost me $28 to Google information when i leave and actually read up on a few facts …

Which is why I then tweeted that!

12. There’s a permanent candle burning by his grave. R.I.P E.A.P #graceland

The graves were poignant … I can imagine a similar thing happening to Jacko at Neverland. Personally I chuckled too much at my “E.A.P” gag, and got stared at by the big bloke standing next to me who gave me a “Why the fuck are you sending a text message by the graveside of Elvis Presley”, kind of look. Oops.

13. Elvis automobile museum : that’s more like it! much more impressive. #graceland

And I don’t really ‘do’ cars – not in the way that regular blokes do anyway, but there was something cool about the automobile museum that we went in after the mansion/house.

14. Tour over. Geoff has left the building. I’m all shook up, (sorry, couldn’t resist) #graceland #undusa

Yes, yes, I know … I’m sorry, it’s me … what do you expect, seriously?

15. You don’t seem to be able to buy any Elvis records.cd’s in the gift shop. Odd. #graceland

This was interesting … I walked round the entire gift shop looking for music, thinking “Well that’s stupid, why haven’t they got any CD’s on sale?”. Oh silly me .. because there are MULTIPLE gift shops, but see below on that …

16. The all-Elvis Sirius satellite channel actually broadcasts from here! There’s a studio … that’s cool. #graceland

Once a radio geek, always a radio geek. I really wanted to get inside the booth with the guy and ask if I could ‘Have a go’, no seriously. I forgot to tune into Sirius/Elvis on the drive away though, arse.

17. I’ve just found the CD’s for sale. Reason? There are FOUR separate gift shops here, different stuff in each. #graceland

See? Now I wandered into the right gift shop … the one that was selling all the music. But little did I know …

18. Actually, now that I’ve had time to consult the map, Graceland Exhibits=7. Restaurants=2. Gift shops=14. Gift shops win.

And that … I’m afraid to say is what I shall take away with me as my memory of Graceland. This is not a a dig at the man himself, or the history, but the notion that in our greedy fucked up world, my overall impression was one of “We’re just here to try and get as much money out of you as possible”, and leech off the fact that they know that people will flock from far and wide to revere in one of our musical greats.

Even my mum keyed in on this fact … “I was kind of expecting more a story … a history … “ she said, as I steered away from the soda vending machine at $2.50 a go, knowing it would be half the price at the gas station one block down the road, “Rather than just rooms and rooms of stuff to look at and an expensive gift shop at the end”.

A little less commercialisation please Graceland, a little more action in the information department.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 at 11:33 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed. Share this post on Facebook