-
Ignore the 'Keep
Right' signs on escalators. An ancient law from parliament
from 1890 means that these have to appear to prevent London Underground
from being sued. But you don't actually have to stand on the right.
Standing on the left chatting to your friend who's standing on the
right is perfectly acceptable, and anyone who says "Excuse me please"
who's trying to get past is merely joking as they are quite happy
to stand behind you for two minutes. Oh, and don't forget to dither
about which way to go again when you reach the end of the escalator.
-
Old People
- Make sure that when you get the bottom of an escalator you stop
immediately to do up your zip-up coat / adjust your duffel bug etc..
etc.. Regular commuters enjoy falling into one another behind you
to accommodate your needs.
-
If you have a
single ticket and you are at the end of your journey then don't forget
to dither whilst walking through the gate as you put your hand
in place for your ticket to appear, then realise very slowly that
it won't as you only bought a single. This is a deliberate ruse by
London Underground who think that the swift movement of people through
the barriers should be discouraged and holding up the queue like this
is perfectly acceptable.
-
On a similar
vein, don't even think about having your ticket ready until you are
next in turn to go through the barrier. No one else bothers
to be so prepared, so why should you? In fact, people expect you to
hold up the queue as you scrummage around all your pockets as it gives
old people who forget to zip up their coats at the top of the escalator
earlier time to do it.
-
Tourists with
day-glo green rucksacks - Under no circumstances should you
be considerate about the huge addition to your persona which swings
around wildly at the back. For full effectiveness, give a quick glance
over your shoulder to make sure a busy commuter is walking right behind
you before stopping suddenly and swingy wildly to one side. The commuter
is bound to see the funny side of being smacked in face by a piece
of green nylon covering up your sweaty pants and a battered A to Z.
-
If a trains door
are closing as you approach a train you must immediately panic and
try and jam your leg in the train doors to stop them closing,
making them open again so that you can get on. Tube trains only run
once an hour, so you have to do this or you'd have to wait ages for
the next one. No one else on the train will mind that you've delayed
the train moving from the platform quickly as they realise the long
wait you'd have to endure before the next train comes along.
-
Due a cost saving
initiative, the Circle Line does not operate in a clockwise fashion
at weekends. Therefore, if on a Saturday or Sunday you are
at Aldgate and wish to travel to Tower Hill or beyond, you need to
take the (admittedly) slightly longer alternative of taking an anti-clockwise
bound train to get to your destination instead.
-
"Mind the Gappe!"
announcements can be heard at most central London stations.
This is in fact a warning to be beware of bat like creatures known
as "Gappe" which sleep in tunnel entrances and exits. When a train
enters the station they can sometimes be disturbed or frightened by
the velocity of the train and swoop out of the hiding place, down
the platform and have been known to attack passengers. To combat this,
chocolate machines were installed in all central area stations as
it was discovered that the Gappe prefer chocolate to human flesh.
It is certainly worth buying a bar of chocolate out of one of the
platform machines to throw at the Gappe to distract it in case they
attack you.
